How Men Can Build a Life They’re Insanely Proud Of

 

In a way, I’m the perfect “anyone could do it” story.

I was a nervous kid when I was in high school. The one with the glasses, alongside other kids. Anxious, shy, and even depressed.

My father passed away, my social circle was wracked, and girls barely looked my way. My depression built up for years until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had to build myself from the ground up, bit by bit. I learned painful lessons and wrote a free ebook filled with all the takeaways.

1. Build the fundamentals

Without confidence and self-esteem, you’re lost. In all areas.

How you see yourself can be the difference between a successful life and a life of misery.

If you don’t see yourself as a guy worth spending time with, how will a woman see you as one? Or, how will your employer or clients pay you what you’re worth. They’ll hardly believe you’re worth the price you ask for.

“You’ll never be worth more than you think you’re worth”- Naval Ravikant.

It works in a couple of ways:

A. Your thoughts can make your life a paradise or hell, on the other hand.

A man looks at reality and expresses his feelings and thoughts about it. “People don’t like me. I’m not good enough. I should quit my job and be done with it.”

In turn, these thoughts manifest and act as reassurance of his beliefs.

Then he does it again. This becomes a closed feedback loop of either great “luck” or bad misfortunes.

Turn away from negative thoughts, and you’ll create your own heaven.

Ignore the news report and its horrors. Ignore everything negative and put your pink glasses on. Think only good of yourself. See it on your mind. Speak it. Smile and compliment yourself out loud.

Even if this isn’t true now, it will be with time. You can bet on that.
Evil and negative circumstances will still exist- but they won’t enter the layer of your world.

B. Your thoughts and beliefs about yourself dictate the way you behave.

It affects your body language to the way you react. You can tell a guy, “Keep your back straight! Talk slower! Don’t be stressed out!”.

But it won’t help. These are short fixes to a deeper problem.

Once a guy believes he’s good enough, all that disappears automatically. He owns whatever he does, wherever he goes.

Suddenly he stops looking at the floor when interacting with others and lifts his head up. He talks slower at a steady pace. Not giving a damn if the hottest blond at the bar stand right in front of him.

People feel you, whether they’re conscious of it or not.

Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Deal with life’s challenges and never back down, no matter how tough. The more you move forward that way, the more confidence you build.

2. Get a skill the market needs

This can make or break a guy.

Even men who get laid a lot start doubting themselves if their career is shit. If they don’t have some sort of path.

You don’t have to be the most purposeful man who ever lived, but you have to make something out of yourself and offer it to the world.

It sounds a bit cliche- “make something out of yourself”. But there isn’t another way to build skills and get paid. You have to go out there and experiment.

Experience restlessly to find something meaningful, or you’ll waste your whole career. Ditch everything you’re learning and don’t use it because it wastes brain energy and time.

Find and build specific knowledge: sales skills, reading and writing, code, whatever. You want to be the guy the company or the clients can’t do without. The guy people DREAD the moment he leaves.

3. Get fit

Go to the gym. Do bodyweight exercise. Do something that makes you feel great, and your body look good.

You’ll look in the mirror every morning and will be damn proud of the results. You’ll love it. And it’ll affect how you feel about yourself in a straightforward manner.

Some people will say, “Nah, looking fit doesn’t matter. It doesn’t get women. And the time in the gym isn’t worth it because you lose muscle in a week’s break.”

But that’s horseshit. Looking fit gets attention from the ladies, no matter how “wrong” it’ll be.

I’m not saying you can’t get women without it. I’m saying it makes it easier because it appeals to a woman and also to yourself.

“It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable”- Socrates.

4. Go out and talk to women

I tell my little brother to ditch the apps and experiment with the real deal.
You want to be able to talk to people and real life and create opportunities for yourself.

Don’t choose the easy path of dating apps. Use it, but don’t lean on it to the point you can’t do without it.

Go out there and build your skills. Approach women and introduce yourself. 95% of men don’t do it anymore.
You’ll stand out. And your confidence will build with time.

I know what you’re thinking- you fear “rejection”. We all do.
After years of approaching women in all kinds of places, I still feel that fear. It’s natural.
You’ll always feel somewhat hesitant. But it’ll minimize with time.

5. Remove distractions

A. Pointless sex and ejaculation-

I was sitting at my desk one evening when my phone made a sound.
A WhatsApp message said, “Wanna come light a Hannuka candle with me?”

This was from a girl I’d been seeing for almost two years. Nothing serious. Twenty minutes later, I forgot my plans and drove to see her.

Most men are slaves to their sex drive. In the same way, people are a slave to their phones or TV.

Don’t be that guy. Nothing wrong with sex or jerking off. But keep it balanced and don’t overdo it, or you’ll waste your creative energy.

I should have stayed home and written.

B. Shit food that doesn’t do good-

When people hear I eat healthy, they go, “You never enjoy life, ha??”.
Of course, sometimes I eat a bit of pizza or things like that. It’s psychologically tough to turn away from all these.

But great food is energy. Energy is life. Eat healthy food, and you’ll feel great. People will love the positive energy you bring into the room. You’ll also look great.

C. Be ruthless about sleep

I sleep 8 hours a night, at least five nights A week. I don’t care. Sleep is god to me.

If I don’t sleep well, I can’t work. I can’t keep my eyes open for a minute without feeling somewhat down. I get irritated and grumpy kind of quickly, and I only want to sleep.

D. Get out of your mom’s house

I love my mom. I couldn’t ask for a better one. But you should leave at some point. You want to have your own place. Your own Bat-cave. And you can’t do it when you live with your parents.

Obviously, this requires a steady income. So do your best to learn a skill, then leave when you can.

Conclusion: Build habits and take care of yourself

If you set a goal to make an extra $5k/month, you can’t control that outcome directly. Same thing with “getting women” or looking fit.

Your goals should serve as a guide and measuring stick to check your progress, but the daily habits get you there. To get fit, you need a plan that works and then stick to it three times/a week.

To learn a skill and get paid, you must practice something daily. Whether it’s code, sales, art, or whatever might pique your interest.

Take a big goal, and break it into smaller ones.

The more you push to achieve these goals and build a life for yourself, the more confident you’ll get. That’s because you’ll probably fail along the way. You’ll have to build resilience and pick yourself up again and again.

But it’s going to be worth it.

Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected by Hundreds Of Women

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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