“Things are always working out for me. No matter how it looks at any given point in time” she said in her TikTok video.
That’s just one example of the current trends of “lucky girl syndrome.” With 631.71 million views to this date, you know this trend is no joke.
People call this “lucky girl syndrome” the same as manifestation, affirmation, or positive thoughts all day.
But here’s what doesn’t sit right with me: almost all people who make these videos are skinny, pretty, tall, and white.
I can’t help but wonder, is it lucky girl syndrome or is it just a privilege?
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The toxic positivity
Last weekend, my uncle passed away. And then we also got a family drama. It was overwhelming to handle.
Telling myself everything’s gonna be GREAT was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt shitty and I just wanted to cry.
But if you meet one of these girls who’re big on the lucky girl syndrome, they’ll tell you to stay positive. Which means I shouldn’t acknowledge those unhappy emotions.
But that’s just toxic positivity.
You can trick your brain into thinking about “happy moments” only, but it’s also mentally tiring. You’re lost touch with reality and what life actually looks like.
While telling you that you’ll be fine in tough situations can be reassuring, it doesn’t help to act happy and fake it.
“The fake it ’til you make it” doesn’t really work when it comes to emotions. We’re human beings and it should be okay to cry and say,
“At the moment, I feel really really hopeless”.
It’s a lot better to let out all our feelings and express them in a healthy way rather than sweep them under the rug and pretend to be happy all the time.
The hard truth: The world doesn’t owe you anything
Another problem that comes with this “lucky girl syndrome” is people think the world owes them something.
They feel entitled to everything they’ve manifested.
And as seen in so many videos, some people do get what they want. They then preach to others to keep going because eventually, their dreams come true.
But they forget their “luck” has a lot to do with their privilege too. I know this is true because I’m an Asian living in one of the most developed countries. Life is hard here in Indonesia.
You can’t just “manifest” to travel to Europe if you only earn less than $300/month. Most Asian millennials now are also responsible to take care of their parents. A big chunk of their paycheck goes to their parents.
It’s just how it is.
So when we try to apply the trend and it doesn’t happen, we have the right to be mad right?
It’s easy to think “ if hundreds of girls on TikTok get what they want just simply by manifesting it, mine should work too — regardless of where I came from.”
Do you see the problem here? I’ve seen many young girls who fall into this trend and end up beating themselves up because it doesn’t work for them.
Why women specifically, are big into this “lucky girl syndrome” idea
If you wonder why it’s targeted at women, I’ve got an answer for you.
A business coach and author Niyc Pidgeon told Fortune it’s because:
“Women are more likely to have imposter syndrome or “internalize our failings as our wrongdoing and something that we could change if it was just our thinking was better.”
While I agree our lives can improve by looking at things in a more positive way, it’s not enough to help you reach your goals.
Dreams don’t come true just because you write them down in your journal every night for 15 minutes.
For me, it’s only an additional tool that I use to keep me on track.
As women, we aren’t taught to be confident in our own abilities. Many of us only know the world through our mother’s eyes.
It’s a pure privilege if you came from a rich background and to think that everyone could have what you have is simply delusional.
Now I tend to be careful when someone asks me to give them tips in terms of career and relationships. Although my parents weren’t rich, I was one of those lucky kids who got to learn English.
My parents were highly aware of how important English was and did everything they could to put me in college. It all led me to be where I am now.
So the next time you tell people that everything can happen if you only manifest it, take a step back and be honest instead. Tell the truth and don’t give them false hopes.
Stop beating yourself up if you aren’t that “lucky”
Your definition of success doesn’t have to be the same as everyone else. It’s important to remember that most of the people we look up to online have some privileges.
If you want to give this trend a try, go for it. You might learn a thing or two about manifestation.
But don’t beat yourself up when it doesn’t happen.
That doesn’t also mean you’re a failure. See the experiment as a reminder of your goals. There are many ways to make them come true.
But depending only on luck would never get you far.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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